don’t laugh….i know you will. That’s what people do when you tell them don’t. How rude.  I need to stop being so anti. It causes me to do things like what I’m about to show you. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t show you first…Or maybe not because you probably don’t really care. And you shouldn’t. Actually you should stop reading RIGHT NOW. Just click the “x”. Nothing good will come of this. It’d probably be much more beneficial to you if you scrolled to the bottom of this page and checked out the links.

This my blog I can do what I want, I’m a big girl now. for anyone who doesn’t know where that reference came from, listen to Candy by The Pack. LOVE IT!

Okay..I have hella work to get done. I’m behind and it’s only the second week of school. UGH..anyone know a good math tutor?? I need one. BAD. But okay…*sigh* since you’re still here…and I was entirely too sad to actually post it on New Year’s Day…I shall post this random act of sadness.

i’ve been thinking about being celibate for a while but right now I need SEX.

My little yellow vibrator can only do so much.

I miss how she knew exactly what to do..and I never had to say it. I don’t think I’m going to find anyone who can do it quite the same….

I remember being in shower…lifted upon Read the rest of this entry »

you were the lyrics and I the beat. together we used to blend perfectly…a tune that caught everyone’s attention. A rhythm that kept us smiling. But somewhere along the way…the lyrics stopped. The beat skipped a little but nevertheless came back strong. But the words had left the beat. I am but a beat. Searching for my lyrics. For who will remember a beat with no lyrics? It is not yet a song. No matter how amazing, how flawless..it is but an imperfect perfection. I am left searching. But strangely, the beat has changed ever so slightly…the lyrics do not quite fit anymore. And as much as the beat tries to accommodate them…they do not fit. They will not change. And now a sweeter tune must decide, what will it do?” when the words it once made perfect music with no longer fit. The words will be forgotten, as most often are but the everchanging beat will find new lyrics. Hoping to form an unforgettable melody. A timeless classic perhaps. I’m searching for the lyrics to my slowly changing beat. An epic tale of love is what I hope our song will be.

She says that we can’t be because of my supposed, “internet addiction.” What do I say to that? When I gave it all up she walked out on me and left me crying and alone on more than a few occasions. She doesn’t see what the internet…my blog, twitter…all of this shit does for me. I use it as an outlet…it allows me to show less concern….to cry less…to feel less. When I concern myself with the thoughts of others…when I allow my writing to consume me or the writings of others to blanket my thoughts, it makes this all easier to deal with.

“why don’t you just talk on the phone like normal people?” Read the rest of this entry »

How much longer must I endure the misery that is you?

As many times as I try, nothing ever changes.

My nightmare intensifies as I continue to fall into the sleep that is you

You are my drug.

My worst addiction yet.

I don’t even know where to begin to break the cycle.

Love withdrawal.

Constantly I’m crying, short of breath, loss of appetite.

Either way I am suffering miserably.

Because either way your love is not here….

Do I suffer without you; can it be better that way?

In the case of the love drug…I believe I must leave you be.

Although now it does not become me, it does not fit my perfect picture,

I believe time will heal me – after my love withdrawal.

every once in a while, I get tired of being invisible.

I mean….most of the time it’s okay to not be noticed. I can do without the attention because I’m pretty shy but….sometimes…every once in a while, I just wish I could be the center of attention. Just for a little while it’d be nice to have all eyes on me ya know.

is officially ruined. I made a D and an F. My gpa is disgusting. The End.

How often do you cry? Tears are such stupid things….falling at all the wrong times. What is their purpose? Except to show an emotion that you’d probably be much better off hiding….I hate crying…but it is something I have come to know well. Something I do more often than I’d like. Like now….sitting alone in this dark room…I’m allowing the tears to flow freely as they’ve been struggling to do all day. I’ve been holding them back…hoping that if I don’t allow them to come forth…just maybe I’ll forget they were trying to Read the rest of this entry »

If I could have one thing for Christmas, right now it would be you.

Seemingly, every lost love, every broken heart, every failed try,

leads you to true love.

My past heartbreaks I take to mean I was not yet ready for that love.

But could I find it in you? Could I find it in your radiant smile?

Is it you?

Are you my love, a million miles away?

I have not the first clue where you reside or even what you do.

But…something unnatural attracts me to you.

Of every female I could be drawn to, every woman that comes my way,

I’m constantly dreaming of you. Not that you notice my existence.

A hello here or there, oftentimes days apart.

A smart remark or a smiley face, I know you do not think of me.

Your brain does not contain an image of my smile, you do not wish to know me.

If I could have one christmas wish it would be you, but since I cannot,

I’ll keep singing my Christmas Blues. Read the rest of this entry »

listening to tyra b’s – exhausted. great song. it’s really saying everything that i’m feeling at this point. ughh. not much to say today. Just a poem. peace. Read the rest of this entry »